Sunday, May 3, 2015


By Guest Columnist, Kraig Khaos


It's 10:50pm and it's time for the last match on RAW. We are returning from a commercial break that reminds us that a new season of Crisley Knows Best will be returning soon. Which is extremely helpful. Because now we know when NOT to tune in to the USA channel.

We see Brian Pillman already in the ring awaiting his opponents. After a long pause, we are blasted with HHH's entrance music as he walks out from behind the corner with a mic in hand. He stays at the top of the ramps and looks at Pillman.

"Brian", he says. "I don't like people coming up to me and demanding things. Getting in my face like some sort of a loose cannon and telling me what they want. However, as the C.O.O. of the WWE, I DO know what’s best for business. And if you can win this 2 on 1 handicap match tonight, you can have your match with Bray Wyatt in 2 weeks at Extreme Rules. A no holds barred extreme rules match!"

We see Pillman nod his head enthusiastically and mouth the words, "That's what I want."

"But," HHH continues, "I wouldn't be concerned about that. I'd be more concerned with trying to survive tonight." HHH's music plays and he leaves.

A few seconds later, eyeballs fill the entrance screen as Luke Harper makes his way out and stalks into the ring. When his music stops, we have a pause before the lights turn red and Kane's music starts. Kane comes out wearing a nasty smile and some sensible black slacks that match his elbow pad. He makes his way to the ring. His music cuts off and the bell rings. After a few seconds of talking, it is decided that Luke Harper will start the match.

Brian Pillman jumps at Harper and hits him with a forearm. It seems to daze Harper for 1/2 a second. When Brian goes for a second hit, he is quickly stopped short by a boot to the gut. Harper pushes Pillman into a corner and stomps him down. He tosses Pillman into the ropes and picks him up for a quick scoop slam. He then proceeds to gator roll Pillman across the mat.

With a crazy look in his eyes, he tags in Kane. Kane smiles with his weird little teeth and Flyin Brian trying to stand up. Kane stomps him back down to the mat. He pulls Brian up by his long luxurious locks of golden hair and tosses him to the ropes, as he ducks down to flip Brian over his shoulders, he receives a kick to the face.

Stunned, Kane reels back. Pillman lands a solid dropkick to Kane, knocking him down. As Kane is layed out on the mat, Pillman runs to the ropes to perform a move called the Lion Sault that he learned years ago in Mexico by a blonde wrestler named Lion Heart. But at the last second, Kane brings his knees up. Brian rolls onto the mat. Kane gets up and picks Brian up. He grabs Pillman by the throat for the choke slam. As he lifts Brian up, Brian jumps behind him and runs and shoots himself off the ropes. As Kane turns around, Pillman's shoulder tackle lands right to Kane's knee, knocking the Big Red Machine down. But as he falls, his hand slaps Luke Harper's outstretched hand.

Harper comes in the ring and quickly gives a few quick punches and kicks to Pillman. He picks Brian up to give him a clothesline. But at the last second, Pillman ducks, sending Harper flying into Kane who has just stood up from his knee tackle. Kane is now sent crashing to the mat with Harper and rolls outside the ring. Pillman climbs to the top rope in the corner behind Harper. The crowd goes wild.

As Luke Harper stands back up, he turns around is met with the Pillman signature flying crossbody finisher. He goes down with Brian on top of him and the ref counts 1-2-3 as Harper is pinned. The crowd at the arena erupts with cheers.

As Harper rolls out the ring and him and Kane sulk away, Pillman asks for a microphone and is handed one by WWE ringside staff member. With a wide eyed crazy look in his eye Pillman looks into the camera.

"Bray Wyatt", he shouts in his raspy voice, "I hope you like what you've created! All your mind games, all your beatings. You've awoken the maniac. And in 2 weeks at Extreme Rules, you are gonna find out exactly what this loose cannon can do. And I promise, it won't be pretty, you son of a bitch!"

Brian drops the microphone and starts laughing maniacally into the camera as it fades to black.

Stay tuned for the final thrilling conclusion next time...For now, visit Kraig Khaos' podcast page HERE.

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